


The End Days

by LeoViolet



Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 10:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoViolet/pseuds/LeoViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian tries to quell his heartbreak after Mickey leaves him beaten, but moving on for him is proven difficult when only one boy haunts his thoughts. Can he let anyone in, can someone replace his one true love, or will his heart beat out logic and fight for what he think he needs...and deserves? An Ian x Mickey fic. AU, sexual content, language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I'm new to this site but I am on FFn under the same name (though a *space* between "Leo" and "Violet"), This fic is also on that acct and way into the story so on here I will do a mass upload of all the chapters so then all future chapters will run concurrent. This is my first fic so I hope you all don't create a pitchfork and torch mob (lol), enjoy!
> 
> Thanks a bunch, xo,
> 
> -LV

**_Ian didn't realize how easy it can be to become invisible, a shell of one's self._ **

-;-<@@> -;-

The ground is a little wet but Ian couldn't care less; he has been laying there motionless for several minutes- hurting. He stares at the cloud deck passing over, wincing each time he blinks, grunting in sickness when the iron taste of blood goes down his throat when he swallows. He can tell the swelling in his left eye is getting worse. He doesn't even want to think about how his lip possibly looks right now.

He cannot bear to shut his eyes for longer than a beat because everything plays back to him and it feels more painful each time.

_"So that's it? We're over?"_

_"You wanna fag bash?"_

_"You love me, and you're gay. Just admit it, ju-just this once!"_

_"You feel like a man now?"_

Stop.

Ian can feel the dew from the ground seeping through his clothes so he finally decides to get up, his body stiff, groaning in protest when he finally sits upright. He turns his head and looks at the expanse of  _nothing_ , but, it was once Mickey's retreating form after he gave that last kick to his face.

_"Feel better now."_

@>-;-

Ian trudges up the stairs to the Gallagher abode but decides against going through the front door after he hears some commotion about gift baskets. He quietly goes through the side door, sneaks a bag of frozen peas and carrots out the fridge and successfully gets up the stairs without tripping over something in the chaotic kitchen.

No one heard or saw him and Ian wasn't sure how to feel about that.

He lies down on his bed, planting his face firmly on the frozen vegetables. It's hard to get comfortable with the cold bag but he sort of manages, drawing his knees up into the fetal position, broken.

Ian thinks about Mickey, naturally of course. Maybe its masochism, but he can't stop seeing his face on that day, that one day that set them back so much, and maybe ended them.

"Oh my god," Ian wheezes out, it guts him to know that earlier may be the last time they'll be alone together.

_"So is it true? You're getting married?"_

"Marr-" Ian chokes on the lump forming in the back in his throat. He stops fighting it. His nose is dripping and his face is wet in seconds' time. His body wracks with each hiccup. The dull ache in his abdomen can't compare to the heartbreak. He feels like his soul is slipping away, nothing will be left but an empty shell.

Mickey,  _his_ Mickey is going to become a father and is getting married to a  _woman._ Ian wants to hate him, fuck him, right? Though he can't, somehow he knows Mickey is doing this because he feels he has to, or maybe his being forced by his bastard father Terry. It's also pretty difficult to hate someone you're in love with. Why can't it be different? Why can't this neighborhood be different? Why can't they be able to love each other and just  _be_? They can watch action movies or lay a blanket down and look for shooting stars, which was probably what Mickey really wanted.

"God," Ian groaned, his eyes ran dry but his face is still throbbing from the exertion. He decides that the bag of vegetables is no good now that they are room temperature. He rolls off the bed, balance uneven as his head pounds; Ian chucks them in the garbage and peers out the bedroom door. No one is upstairs still and the noise downstairs has toned down to normal murmur. He takes this time to shower off the day.

"Jesus!  _Shit_!" Ian looks at the mess his face is now. Left eye, swollen and bruised; the other eye is rimmed red from his tears; his bottom lip is definitely split and his teeth are tinged pink from the blood.

@>-;-

The water feels nice, it might be scorching on a random day but right now, it's nice.

_Mickey perched on the ground underneath the bleachers and lights his post-coital cigarette, "Man that was good, missed ya." Ian, elated and surprised smiles and looks down to his boy, "You did?"_

" _Yeah, man."_

Ian's lip twitched upwards. Mickey said so because he had to top in juvie all the time, it killed Ian's spirit a little back then but he knows now Mickey actually missed  _him._  Ian's smile stretched but disappeared quickly once his split lip stung.

"Why, why, why?" he whispers and steps completely under the hot spray and lets it cascade down over his head.

Mickey. Ian's mind tortures him with montages of Mickey's face, his lips and the way he bites them in thought…or during sex. Ian internally chastises himself for letting his mind wander here, especially now that his cock is rising. He doesn't want to think of how soft Mickey's ass actually is, how he can feel heaven in such a tight space when he's buried in him, his grunts, his coos, how Mickey can tighten and loosen his grip when he handles Ian's cock once he gets close to the edge. Ian tries his hardest not to think about the odd dichotomy of the silky soft and firmness of Mickey's cock when he takes him in his mouth and the taste of his-

" _Ungh_ , fuck it." Ian grabs a hold of his jutted cock and begins to slowly pump himself.

" _What you going down for then?"_

" _You got any fuck left in you?"_

"… _you put them in my ass and you pull them out real slow."_

Ian's breath is labored as he vigorously jerks himself. He throws his head back; ignoring the pain and scrunching his eyes shut and thinks of the noise of their skin meeting, the moans Mickey can't control, and the smell of his skin when they are spent.

" _Christ!_ Yes, yes, ungh!" Ian's strokes and strokes until he his body seizes and the pleasure surges through him, the rest simply mixing with the water and going down the drain. He braces himself with his hand on the side tiles and turns off the water.

Ian doesn't want this to be the way he copes but it all he has left.

@>-;-

Ian sits on his bed dressed in gym shorts and a white tee lost in his thoughts once more. He can't dwell too long once Carl and Lip carrying Liam walks in for bed. Carl, dead on his feet mumbles a "night" before crashing on his pillow. Lip lays a sleeping Liam down in his bed and turns for his bunk before stopping and looking at Ian's face.

"Whoa, whoa!" Lip lightly exclaims, he gestures to his own face a circular motion, "What happened?"

Ian stomach drops, he wants to confide in Lip, tell him everything, but he can't, not right now. "I got a little carried away at ROTC workouts today." Good enough lie. Lip's face relaxes, he buys it.

"Be careful, man. Don't kill yourself  _before_ you get in the Army." Lip smirks at his own quip and hops up into his bed, not even ten minutes later he is snoring.

Ian releases a breath he didn't even realize he was holding and gets into bed properly.

He relaxes and closes his eyes, welcoming Mickey's face.

-;-<@@> -;-


	2. Boyfriend Material ptI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks! Tell me what ya think! The mass upload continues.
> 
> -LV

**_Ian doesn't want to move on, but it's hard to say no to "do-gooders"_ **

-;-<@@> -;-

School is mundane, like always. Ian is cryptic with his answers towards Mandy in class earlier in the day when she repeatedly asked him "what his deal is." It's even harder with Mandy, he can't just  _tell_ her, more about her brother would have to revealed then what she could be prepared for and Ian doesn't want to damage their friendship. They've been through too much and having another Milkovich out of his life could possibly be his undoing.

He wonders what Mickey is doing right now, is he sad? Is he relieved to be free of Ian?

Is he making wedding plans?

"Mr. Gallagher?" A gruff voice broke through his inner musings and he makes direct eye contact with his history teacher.

"Uh, yeah?" Ian sheepishly replies. The class easily found this exchange chuckle worthy. The teacher holds up the European history textbook and waves it animatedly. "Your opinion on the chapter, the same chapter we've been discussing for the past forty minutes."

Ian clears his throat, "Oh, right, um…Napoleon, is quite interesting in how he…does…things." He couldn't help but smirk at himself, he knows he's bullshitting and so does the class, their chuckles are basically cackles now. This school day needs to end.

The history teacher is done, "Okay, it's the last hour of the day; let's just move on, you kids are making me grey enough as it is."

@>-;-

Ian briskly walks through the halls, his backpack practically hanging on to dear life. His mood hasn't improved at all and he doesn't want to run into Lip or Mandy.

Of course he speaks too soon.

"Hey, hold up Ian! Ian!" Mandy's voice rises above the chatter of the other students in the hallway. He feels a firm grip on his arm and automatically assumes it's Lip. Ian has no choice but to stop and turn around. "Yeah, what?" Ian flinches at his own aggravated tone.

Lip notices, "Dude, you been acting fucking weird lately."

"Especially today," Mandy chimes in, she loops her arm through his and the trio begins to walk out the school doors, "We haven't studied together in a long time. How about you come to my house later? Lip?" Mandy looks over to him for an unneeded conformation for her invite towards Ian, Lip silently shrugs.

Mandy rolls her eyes at him and looks back to Ian, "We won't be bothered, my dad is in the wind right now and my brothers probably won't be there, definitely not Mickey, he's been sulking in and out of the house for a while, you two must be on the same man-period cycle." She laughs at her own joke.

Air from the outside whips Ian in the face and he's thankful for the cold hit, hearing about her dad and Mickey in the same sentence makes him want to vomit…and cry a little.

"Maybe, sure."

Lip coughs and spits on the sidewalk, "Well you two do that, those rich kids are back cleaning the 'hood up and I know one kid is gonna want some weed." Ian, thankful for a topic change, speaks up, "Oh? Who's the kid, where you meet 'em?"

"Uh, when I had that bullshit community service, err, Casper 'something,' Duncan, I think?"

Ian thinks of a plan to keep his mind busy, "Maybe I'll go with you, I need something to do."

Lip smirks, "Alright, yeah."

"Then you and me, right?" Mandy perks up. Ian thinks rapidly, "Yeah, yeah but how about you come over my house?"

"Sure."

@>-;-

With Mandy gone, Lip and Ian walks to the area the Lakeshore kids are at making an "urban garden paradise."

"So Ian, how's your slutty 'sexcapades' going?" Lip inquires laughter in his voice. Ian isn't impressed, but now on edge. "Nothing! Wh-what, why does that matter?"

Lip puts his hands up in mock defeat smiling wide, "Just conversation."

"Yeah, nosey conversation, what about you and Mandy, you were acting like a dick with that application stuff."

"We're good, she did it with good intentions but shit, that pressure sets me off."

Ian nods and remains silent as they finally make it to the garden and see people with bright green shirts working harmoniously, almost to a point where they should break out in a "Glee" number.

"Which one's the weed head?" Ian asks. Lip points to a tall kid, built, with sandy blonde hair. Ian spots him and would consider him cute…if he was shorter and had black hair, plushy lips. Ian scrunches his eyes and wills the thoughts of  _him_ back. Lip cups his hands around his mouth.

"Yo, Casper! Hey, dude!"

"Hey!" Casper sees the brothers and jogs over; despite the chill outside his face has a nice sheen of sweat. Ian doesn't look at his face for too long. He doesn't know how to handle the thought of finding someone around his age attractive outside of  _him_.

" _I don't know what you see in that geriatric viagroid."_

Ian feels himself being elbowed, "…this is my little brother Ian." Lip finishes stating. Ian sees Casper putting his strong hand out to be shook. Ian breaks out of his stupor and grasps it and shakes it, trying not to enjoy the strength of Casper's grip.

"Nice to meet you, like Lip said I'm Casper Duncan," he has a toothy grin and holds it after he breaks the handshake. "Same here," Ian responds. Lip starts talking to Casper and Ian uses this opportunity to survey him, Casper has an inch on him, but has a similar frame, he can see the tautness and definition of his upper body muscles as he shakes with laughter. He hears them talking but only bits register.

"…yeah I haven't seen much but I'll be at the Coffee Beanery studying later."

"…Sorry, maybe we can hang next time, maybe Ian can join."

"Yeah?"

Silence. Ian realizes he has to contribute to the conversation, "I'm sorry, what?"

Lip shakes his head slightly, "Casper doesn't really click with the Glee club he was wondering if one of us would go to the Coffee Beanery later, at like, six-ish with him, he's studying."

Ian's belly gets a weird feeling. He can't differentiate if he's excited at the prospect or  _nervous._  He hates himself for actually wanting to go. "Yeah, I have plans with someone but I can try to meet you." That's fair enough.

Casper face brightens even more and agrees, "Okay I hope you can make it, Lip I have to get back…"

Ian looks at his brother and Casper exchange "the goods" and Casper pockets his purchase, looking at Ian all the while and eyes him. Not like an absent stare but gives him that  _look_ , the look that Ian and people like him can identify.

Casper's gay.

@>-;-

Ian watches as Mandy leaves with Lip. Lip had come home to get Mandy after their short study session to go back to wherever he initially came from. Ian sits in silence, Debbie and Liam is at Shelia's, Fiona and Jimmy are job hunting and Carl is at an after school program. He is glad for the silence and also hates it because that leaves room for thinking. He playbacks his conversation with Mandy when they were neglecting their English review worksheet:

_Mandy looks to Ian with a mouth full of potato chips, "So are you anti-Milkovich house after that thing happened?"_

_What._

" _What do you mean by 'thing', what 'thing'?" Ian's heart slams against his chest and his palms get sweaty, she can't know. It's impossible._

_Mandy breaks eye contact then, "The pregnancy thing. You barely been near my house since then, if ever." So she thinks._

_Ian felt a wave of relief wash over him. He remembers that nightmare, but if she knew about the other one…_

" _My dad probably repressed that by now and I like hanging out, my home is like, falling apart or whatever," Mandy says barely audible, she adds, "Mickey just been so not like him, well obviously because of the pregnant skank and the marriage bullshit," -Ian's shoulders reflexively tense-, "Actually he hasn't even brought it up for the last few times he was in the house."_

_Ian's heart says it is because Mickey misses him, wants him and he calls off the whole thing, his head tells him to get a fucking clue._

" _Does he…want to get married?" Ian reluctantly asks._

" _He never went into it he just said what he was doing."_

" _Why, is your dad making him do it?"_

_Mandy scoffs, "I don't know! Why do you give a shit?"_

Ian looks up at the clock, six o'clock on the dot. He jumps up and grabs his coat; he barely gets it on before he is out the door.

@>-;-

Ian smells the Coffee Beanery before he gets to it. He looks through the windows and spots Casper nose deep into a thick textbook and heads inside. He buys a small coffee and stares at an oblivious Casper as he waits for it. Ian focuses in on Casper's mouth as it slightly moves when he reads to himself. Ian eyes widen when Casper's tongue snake out and wets his bottom lip before he goes for his drink.

"Ian, small coffee," the nasally barista hands the lidded cup to Ian and he takes a deep breath and walks in front of the small table where Casper is sitting.

"Hey, want some company," Ian prays that didn't come out flirty.

An alerted Casper snaps his head up and smirks when he recognizes Ian, "Absolutely, Flash."

"Flash?" Ian quirks his eyebrow at the sandy blonde; Casper giggles,  _giggles_ , "Uh-huh, you remind me of Kid Flash, have a seat, talk to me."

Ian wholeheartedly laughs at the comic book reference and sits down; shocked but not annoyed buy Casper lightly dragging a finger on the top of Ian's hand.

"Am I looking into this wrong?"

Ian furrows a brow, "What do you mean?"

"Well,"- Casper begins to look a little embarrassed-"You  _are_ gay, right?"

"Yes." Ian surprised himself at how fast and loose he answered- especially in public.

"Well good then, I hope you aren't seeing anybody, Flash."

-;-<@@> -;-

**Continues in part II**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Any recognizable themes or characters belong to the rightful owners.


	3. Boyfriend Material ptII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mass upload continues...thanks!  
> Where the "M" rating comes in handy (probable pun?)
> 
> -LV

**_Ian knows what he wants; he just needs the right person._ **

-;-<@@> -;-

Ian thinks he's…nice.

Casper pretty much abandoned his homework to converse with Ian; he's easy to talk to and against his usual tight-lipped demeanor when he first meet people, Ian told Casper a lot about himself, not too many specifics, but, more than he would with any other person.

Casper told Ian his parents know about his sexuality- and they accept it. His school is very welcoming of gay kids, as well. Ian almost sputtered his coffee at that revelation. That floored him, Ian knows places and people exist that are accepting of gays, but, living in the Southside, that is a far-cry from that reality.

Ian notices how Casper more feminine mannerisms come out during conversations that really get him going. This makes Ian smirk, if you pay attention close enough, Casper screams gay.

And Ian hasn't felt more comfortable in a long time.

@>-;-

"So how is the beautification of Chicago going for you?" Ian jokingly asks Casper; the duo left the coffee shop finally after two hours of idle chat and getting to know one another.

"Hilarious, but it's going really well, I like the city." Casper replies, playfully nudging Ian with his elbow making Ian smirk.

Ian, expecting to head to the bus stop, is stopped by Casper who points to a shiny, black Honda Civic. "What, you like Hondas?" giggles Ian, which elicited an eye roll from Casper.

"Yes I do, so much that my parents got me one for my eighteenth birthday, that's my car." Casper explains. Ian forgets Casper is more than well off, he assumes Casper could have gotten a more fancy car if he begged for it long enough. This doesn't make Ian jealous; he just understands how green the grass is elsewhere.

"Oh, well then where to?" Ian asks once he follows Casper and gets into his car.

"Mmm, not quite sure but let's drive around." Casper offers.

Casper doesn't turn the music up so it is a soft murmur of a beat playing in the background, Ian feels weird by the closeness and semi-privacy they have with being in the car, he feels stuffy and the comfortable silence is becoming awkward. Ian feels he needs to say something but he waits for Casper to break first; he has been sneaking glances at Ian's face, his hands and his  _crotch_ for the past ten minutes. Ian notices this and he doesn't know what to think of it.

"So…"-Casper put his hand, fingers splayed, on Ian's thigh, Ian gasps almost inaudibly and doesn't move-"…I know we  _really_  don't know each other but, with what I do know, I like you." Casper says in an odd tone, like he's testing the waters. Ian looks at Casper's neutral-faced side profile. Ian isn't ready for whatever Casper is wanting, for sure, he is still pinning for  _him_.

Ian sighs and shakes his leg, Casper takes the hint and removes his hand, looking letdown, "You're cool, Casper, but I'm sort of getting over somebody and I don't want you to think I'm more into this than I really am."

Casper nods his head, "Okay I can understand that…well not the part that someone would break up with you, just the interest thing."

"Oh, what the hell," Casper mutters as he pulls into a non-descript alleyway between two sleazy-looking buildings and turns off his car. Ian raises his eyebrow and begins to ask what the hell he was doing but before he could speak, Casper clicks his seatbelt off and in warp-speed, stretches over the console and kisses Ian square on the mouth.

" _He isn't afraid to kiss me."_

Ian is shocked at first, unmoving his lips against the urgency of Casper's. His lips are soft though, and Ian's body naturally warms to the stimulation and he relaxes, kissing Casper back at a slower pace, effectively slowing Casper down to lazy smooches before they both pull away, breathing ragged.

"Shit." Ian says.

"Yeah." Casper wipes his mouth and innocently cuts his eyes to the backseat. Ian knows what this means.

Casper wants to fuck.

Ian's thoughts begin to swirl around in his head,  _should I? I should. I just met him; he's nice, what about Mickey?_

Mickey. Ian rapidly blinks to stop that train wreck of thoughts and looks at Casper again, whose eyes are hooded and face flushed. Ian also can't ignore the sizable bulge in Casper's light wash jeans.

"I have condoms!" Casper hurriedly says, probably because of Ian's conflicted face. Ian is, after all, seventeen years old, the simple prospect of sex makes his cock stir in his boxer briefs. So…he goes for it.

Ian grabs the back of Casper's neck and kisses him hard. Casper moans in approval automatically and their tongues begin to dance around each other mouths. They both break away in enough time to shed their bigger jackets and clumsily climb into the backseat. It's a tight fit with both of their heights but for what their intending to do, it'll work.

Casper and Ian pulls and grabs each other shirts off and once they're both bare on top, Casper nudges Ian down horizontally on seat and kisses him from his neck to the top of his jeans, getting a hiss from Ian, "Shit, shit! Casper," Ian breathily coos.

"You gonna let me taste your cock?" Casper says in a seductive tone, Ian almost said " _what?"_ out loud but he wasn't going to stop him. He just nods and let Casper pull his jeans along with his underwear down to his knees, his erection lying on his belly.

Ian grunts the second he feels Casper hand grasp his dick and feels his mouth take him in. Casper doesn't waste time, he bobs and slurps in rhythmic pace, driving a squirming Ian insane all the while. Casper does this for another few minutes before he stops, much to Ian's irritation, and takes his shoes, pants and underwear all the way off, Ian wonders why Casper completely undressed.

Casper reaches to the center glove compartment and takes out a travel sized lube bottle and a condom. Ian attentively watches as Casper slicks himself and after, takes the condom out of the foil package. Once Casper has the condom on Ian, Ian tries to sit up to switch their position where he is more dominate but Casper lays a hand flat on his chest.

"No, I want to ride you." Casper whispers, lips and cheeks still pink from the exertion of blowing Ian.

Ian eyes widen, he has never been  _ridden_  before and becomes more excited from the thought of it about to happen. He doesn't get to think long before Casper crawls up his body, in a "froggy" position and braces his hand on the passenger head rest.

"You ready?" Casper tentatively asks.

"Fuck, yes come on!" Ian growls out, growing more restless. Ian doesn't have this problem for another second when he feels Casper grab his sheathed dick and presses it inside him, bottoming out.

Casper gasps and moans almost like a woman when he begins to ride Ian with earnest. Ian holds Casper thighs and bucks up into him, his groans becoming more guttural.

They go like this for ten more minutes before Ian feels himself reaching the edge, "Ungh, speed up, I'm close." Casper listens and follows through. Casper jerks himself to release and catches his excess with his hand, Ian pushing up into him once more before meeting his end.

@>-;-

Ian lays in his bed wanting to think but not get lost in his thoughts. He doesn't regret hooking up with Casper- or exchanging numbers, but a piece of him feels like he betrayed his love for Mickey.

He know he loves Mickey, and he knows Mickey loves him, he didn't get an exact date for the wedding but he feels like he's running out of time.

Ian needs to find him, again.

This time they are going to talk, whether Mickey wants to or not. He has to.

Because Ian knows he just might lose him forever.

-;-<@@>-;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Any recognizable themes or characters belong to their rightful owners.


	4. Matters of Fact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The mass upload continues...*smooch*
> 
> -LV

**_Ian can't accept facts, but he does believe in pipe dreams._ **

-;-<@@> -;-

"… _.she works at the Garden Springs spa."_

" _Is she pretty?"_

" _Well, on the dead-eyed Russian hand-whore scale, she'd rate about a seven."_

Russian; Ian almost dropped his drink when he found out exactly  _who_ Mickey was marrying. His  _rapist_ , the woman who is on his bastard father's beck-and-call to have sex with guys and whatever else prostitutes do is going to be his wife soon. That fucking whore is an actual whore; Ian isn't sure whether to find that sad or ironic.

He is thankful for the fact that Mandy is preoccupied with Lip to connect any dots with his questioning; he had to stop himself from asking too much about Mickey when they were on the train headed home after school. He needs to find Mickey somewhere out and about- going to Milkovich manor is out of the question. But he needs to do it fast.

@>-;-

"Ian, I'm talking to you." Fiona flicked a stray Fruit Loop at Ian's forehead to catch his attention.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Ian sat up straighter in the kitchen stool as if to say, 'you have my undivided attention.' Ian can't even focus on one thought at a time, let alone Fiona and her conversations.

Fiona, sighing and smiling a consoling smile, repeats herself, "I said is everything cool with you? You've been in the clouds for a while and don't think I didn't notice that bruise and split lip last week. It's looking better."

Ian was taken aback a little, he barely even thought about the physical part of the incident with Mickey as much as the emotional. His lip is fine and the bruise is barely noticeable, at least he doesn't think so, Casper didn't say anything about it; although, that may be because they were a little  _preoccupied_.

"Yeah, yeah that was ROTC stuff and I had a lot of hard tests and you know I'm stupid-"

"Nope! Don't." Fiona pointed her index finger at Ian's face.

"What?"

"Don't ever call yourself stupid, ever. Multiple choice and short essay questions don't mean shit they don't determine who you are, okay?"

Ian didn't respond, just nodded. He wished life was just question and answer. Ian would know what he was supposed to do with himself, and it would be a hell of a lot easier to figure out.

@>-;-

" _What? Do you think we're boyfriend and girlfriend here?"_

Ian ditched his homework not too long after Fiona left the house. It wasn't too long until he decided to hunt for Mickey.

He was coming up short by walking around the neighborhood. He went to the abandoned building where they last were together and  _nothing_ , he went to the gun store up the street from the Kash n' Grab and  _nothing_.

He even went to the Garden Springs spa.

Ian wasn't prepared to see her in actuality again but he prepared himself for the possibility by standing in a below ground alley, waiting for the next person to come out. He hoped for Mickey, but his assumption was proved right; the whore waltzed out the seedy joint with another walking sex toy and lights a cigarette before making her way down the street. His stomach lurched at the thought of that thing carrying Mickey's baby.

Ian needed to leave.

He started to just walk aimlessly until he subconsciously took route to the building where he does his ROTC training on the roof. He took the stairs up and the air suddenly changed around him, his feet started to feel like lead and his heart started pumping. Ian feels him up there and stops at the top step, contemplating. He didn't really plan out anything to say or do. Ian just wanted to see him and change his mind about the wedding, somehow.

Ian place one foot in front of the other and began walking around his makeshift setup, his body was like a magnetic compass he just  _knew_ exactly where Mickey was. He began maneuvering around until he heard the sound of rocks being thrown down.

 _Mickey_.

He turned a corner on the roof where it was clear and far across the space sat  _him_. Mickey didn't notice Ian, he just picked up a rock from the cluster next to him and chucked it, the rock skipping on the ground and landing, further each time.

Ian's heart fluttered instantaneously at the sight of him. He loved and hated it. He will admit, Mickey looked  _depressed_ , his hair was a little wild and he grew his facial hair out; he was wearing that brown sweater again and his eyes were red. Ian needed to grab the bull by the horns and just say something.

"Mickey," was all Ian could managed to say before his throat seized from anticipation and fear. Mickey's arm stopped mid toss and he dropped the rock to the ground, his eyes snapping up to where Ian was standing. He looked so broken, conflicted and Ian wasn't sure how to gauge what he will do.

It was like a standoff; Ian's breathing was becoming ragged and his hands began to shake next to him. He felt like he wanted to cry. Mickey just stared back and looked a little embarrassed to Ian, maybe because he was caught being on "their" roof. Ian almost flinched when Mickey began to stand and walk towards him, silently. He tried to stay as still as a statue when the gap between them was becoming shorter.

"Um, I'll go," Mickey quietly said; his voice was hoarse as if he was yelling all day long. Ian barely registered what he said but the sound of his voice made his stomach drop. Mickey cut around him to leave but Ian wasn't having any of that, he grabbed Mickey's arm and wasn't surprised when he jerked his arm back.

Then the stare down returned.

"Was I wrong?" Ian forced out. Mickey's eyebrows shot up his forehead, confused.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Mickey asked. Ian knew Mickey was trying to keep his face impassive- it wasn't working.

"Was I wrong about what I had said? You don't love me? You don't love me, too?" Ian's voice was cracking but he refused to allow Mickey to see him cry. Ian saw a multitude of emotions rain over Mickey's face until he controlled himself and knitted his brows.

Mickey walked up to Ian, this time, past the barrier of personal space and breathed out, "I. Can't. Do. This." Ian shook his head.

"Why? You gonna become a married man and magically become not gay? I saw that whore today, you're gonna marry that chick? You're fucking rapist?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Mickey roared. Ian didn't flinch at Mickey's anger at all, he has a fire in him now.

"No, no fuck that! I had to watch that shit! I had to see that! Your piece-of-shit dad ruined us!" Ian said this practically nose-to-nose with Mickey. Mickey wore the face of surprise, undoubtedly because Ian was never this way to him.

"You don't think I know that?" Mickey replied, eerily calm, he added, "I- you…its better this way."

Ian scoffed, "Bullshit! Why is that?"

"Just is."

Ian threw his arms up, he is pretty sure he is standing in front of the most stubborn human being. Mickey tried to turn and leave again but Ian grabbed his arm once more, tight enough so he couldn't pull away, "No one else is here," Ian said to the side of Mickey's face. Mickey looked at Ian, his eyes glossing over in unshed tears; he successfully blinks rapidly to keep them at bay.

"I'm doing this to protect you. My dad won't give a shit if he takes us both out. I can't  _be_ gay. What the fuck don't you get about that?" Mickey asks, voice cracking.

Ian swallows and lets Mickey's arm go, "I get that, I know we can't hold hands and fucking just be  _together_ out here, I get it. You don't have to protect me from your dad, we can be more careful…" Ian knows he sounds weak, but he can't help but plead. He  _needs_ Mickey.

Mickey sighs and rubs his hand roughly down his face, scratching his facial hair, "I'm protecting you from me too,"- Ian sharply inhales- "I'm not going anywhere, I'm the type of screw-up who lives and dies here; I'm not going anywhere. You are going to go be a fucking officer and shit in the army and find some motherfucker who is gayer than a fucking rainbow that can do shit with you."

Ian didn't stop the tear that escaped his eye. He was dumbfounded by Mickey's revelation. Does Mickey not think he is good enough for him? If he does, Ian knows that he won't be able to fix that, Mickey has to within himself. Ian doesn't think about any repercussions next, he just grabbed the back of Mickey's neck and kissed him. Mickey didn't try to pull away; he didn't try to do  _anything._  Ian noticed, and became hurt.

"What? Mickey,  _please_  don't ignore this." Ian whispered to Mickey's mouth. Mickey looked up into Ian's eyes and licked his lips. He almost went for a kiss before he stopped and lightly pushed on Ian's chest.

"I…can't…you have to let me go," Mickey said as he turned and walked away.

Ian didn't stop him this time.

-;-<@@> -;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Any recognizable themes or characters belong to their rightful owners.


	5. The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing on...
> 
> -LV

**_Ian knows there is "different" out there, but the "same" is just fine._ **

-;-<@@> -;-

Ian wonders if this is what depressed feels like. He feels like a machine walking around, programmed to do what he is supposed to but feeling nothing. Although, he thinks he should be recognized for a "bullshit award," he is able to interact with everyone at a normal capacity seamlessly. Lip and Mandy may have asked about his frequent, monosyllabic answers but nothing Ian couldn't shrug off.

It has been five days since he had that confrontation with Mickey on the roof. He can't stop thinking about what Mickey said to him, that he is protecting Ian from him. This makes Ian thoughtful and angry; who the hell did Mickey think he was telling him what he needed protection from? He understands why though, Terry would kill them both and wouldn't bat an eyelash.

He possibly  _has_  to marry that prostitute.

Ian still can't wrap his mind around what would make Mickey think he wasn't good enough to be with him. Sure, Mickey can be hot tempered, a  _little_ violent, but he is just a product of his household- and environment. Ian doesn't feel too special anyways, his family may be more loving but according to someone on the outside of the 'hood looking in, he and Mickey were just the same.

@>-;-

It's Saturday now and Ian finished his weekend homework early. He keeps himself busy by doing half of the week's laundry to help Fiona out. It isn't enough to keep his mind busy though, he knows it isn't healthy to have someone infect your thoughts as much as Mickey does his but now, he just couldn't bring himself to care.

Ian almost falls from his seat at the kitchen island when his phone buzzes, alerting him to a text message. He was almost confused when he saw who it was from.

Casper.

**Hey, it's been a while since we hung out, want to come over? I can pick you up from your place. – C**

Ian's lower belly warmed when he read the message, he remembers all too well what Casper meant by "hung out". There is also no damn way Casper is getting his home address. Ian taps the conversation box and types a quick message in reply:

**Sure, but meet me at the Coffee Beanery.**

@>-;-

Ian finishes a cigarette by the time Casper pulls up in front of the Coffee Beanery. Ian fast paces to the car and gets in before Casper had the chance to consider getting out of his side to greet him.

"Worried about me stalking you?" Casper says. The smirk playing on his lips shows he means that in good humor, Ian chuckles.

"Maybe, do you have your house to yourself today or something, I mean we could've just stayed at the coffee place," Ian asks, turning off the radio.

Casper shakes his head, "No, my mom is there but she doesn't care if I have people over, besides it's just you, not a fleet of hungry kids." They both laugh.

Ian doesn't know if he wants to hate how  _simple_  it is with Casper, this is their second time hanging out but he can feel the earlier "Mickey stress" fading away.

"So what is your plan when we get there?" Ian inquires, turning a little in his seat to look at Casper's side profile better. Ian  _guesses_  he's more than a little cute.

Casper hums, "Mmm, we'll see when we get there."

" _There"_ is fucking enormous.

Casper pulls up a long driveway and parks in front of a dark bricked mansion with vines creeping up the sides, Ian looks at the shiny black Mercedes they stopped behind and tried not to drool, he assumes that belongs to Casper's mom. A housekeeper opens the door for them when they step out of the car.

"Hey, Manuela!" Casper bounds up the steps to the small Hispanic woman who is wearing a genuine smile.

"Yes, yes hola cariño." Manuela smiles wide when she sees Ian and opens the door wider to let the two in.

When Ian walks pasts Manuela he feels her eyes on him. She probably thinks he is Casper's boyfriend. He laughs internally at that thought.

Ian almost lost his shit when he saw the expanse of Casper's home; a crystal chandelier hangs from the tall ceiling and the floors are a smooth cherry wood with a grand staircase that starts on two sides, leading up to Casper's room most likely, since Casper threw him a look and started to climb them.

@>-;-

Casper's room is impressive. It looks like a master but by judging this house, it's probably a standard. His walls are off-white, furniture mahogany, and his California king size bed is dressed in a hunter green/ plaid theme.

"So…I'll admit I cleaned it this morning, hoping you would say 'yes' to come," Casper sheepishly said as he laid back on his bed, "Come here," he added.

Ian then realized he was standing in the doorway and walked in, closing the door behind him.

"You didn't have to; I like your room, though." Ian offered.

"Wait! Lock the door." Casper said, mouth slowly pulling into a smile. Ian raised a brow but twisted the lock on the doorknob. The sofa in Casper's room was too far a distance from his bed so Ian had no choice but to lie next to him.

Ian couldn't help the breathy moan that escaped him when he felt the softness of Casper's duvet.

His eyes were still closed but he heard Casper chuckle beside him. Ian felt the bed dip and he felt Casper's hand rub down his chest to his jeans, easily undoing his belt. Ian shot his eyes open and grabbed Casper's hand to stop him.

"Fuck, Casper you said your mom was here." Ian wheezed out.

"Yeah? The door is locked." Casper argued, propping himself on his heels.

Ian sat up against the headboard and rolled his eyes, "So? You're fucking loud."

Casper smiled, "She won't be able to hear us from where she is." Casper then took the opportunity to yank Ian's jeans down and grab his now swelling cock. Ian choked on a grunt and managed to swat Casper's hand away to get off the bed and stand.

"It still feels weird." Ian said, he knew he looked ridiculous saying that with a hard-on and his jeans and boxers pooled at his feet.

Casper only rolled his eyes and hopped up from his seated position and stood in front of Ian.

"Then don't think about it, just do it," Casper said this as he proceeded to take off his clothes piece by piece. Ian just stood there looking at his naked body, respecting how he is so brazen but annoyed at his pushiness.

Speaking of brazen, Casper then broke Ian's thought when he kissed him on the mouth, then his neck and walked over to the dresser and bent over it, looking back at a surprised Ian.

"Uhh…" Ian could only manage that.

Casper's eyes fell a little when he spoke, "Fuck me right here, c'mon…take me right here."

Ian's cock won whatever argument it was having with his brain and Ian hurriedly took his clothes off and stood behind Casper. Casper opened the drawer revealing a bottle of lube and a box of condoms. Ian prepped them both and wasted no more time and began to fuck Casper, harder than he was anticipating; the dresser knocked against the wall in a rhythmic thud. He knows this is him releasing tension from his dilemma with Mickey, but Casper clearly doesn't mind, judging from his uninhibited "oh's and ah's"

Casper came way before Ian and he finished him off with his mouth, swallowing all of Ian down.

Once Ian came down, the first thought that came to mind was whether Mickey could know what he was doing- as silly as that sounds.

@>-;-

Ian stayed with Casper for another hour before he went back home, insisting that he took the bus back. When he entered the kitchen he saw Lip head up the stairs with Mandy following, though, Mandy saw him come in and stopped at the second step for a beat, waiting for Lip to finish his ascent, and turned to walk in front of Ian.

"What did you do this time?" Mandy asked with one hand on her hip. Ian got nervous and diverted his eyes. What the hell could she be talking about? She couldn't know about Casper and him hanging out.

"Wh- what do you mean?" Ian stuttered.

Mandy clicked her tongue, "You and Mickey."

_What?!_

"What about Mick? What did he say?" Ian can feel the sweat coming out of him, what  _did_  they talk about?

"He didn't say anything really, he just told me he saw you get in a car in front of that coffee joint downtown when he was out there getting something for my cousin and wondered who it was. Who were you with? I just said it was your friend." Mandy explained.

Ian's heart felt like it imploded inside him. He hopes Mickey doesn't suspects anything; that could ruin Ian's already slim chances to get Mickey away from the Russian.

"That weed head I went with Lip to go sell a joint to." That is all Ian wants to say about him.

Mandy's eyebrows raises and she smiles, "So are you guys…?"

Ian needs to nip this, "No, no we just hang. What did Mickey say after you told him that?"

"Uh, nothing he just made this dumb face and went to his room. He been acting fucking weird, well more so, like I know he has shit going on with that hand-job slut or whatever but he was really not like himself a few days back. He actually asked about you then but I don't remember what he said." Mandy said looking down, arms crossed.

_A few days back._

"Oh okay." Ian said, almost getting lost in thought.

"So you guys need to chill out whatever beef you guys have." Mandy said sternly before offering a smirk and heading up the stairs.

Ian catches himself, "Wait, Mandy! Where is he, usually?"

Mandy voices vibrated down the stairs, "Shit I don't know, wherever, you guys ask about each other too much, Jesus."

Ian just stood there looking up the stairs. He wants to go find Mickey right then but he decided against it.

He'll let Mickey come to him this time.

-;-<@@> -;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable themes and characters belong to their rightful owners.


	6. Nuptials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onward!
> 
> -LV

**_Ian has no choice but to make choices, simple?_ **

-;-<@@> -;-

_"Is Mickey seriously getting married?"_

_"Yeah, in like a couple weeks."_

Today.

Ian couldn't sleep at all the night before so he snuck out of the house and got drunk with the beer he pilfered from the refrigerator. He can't remember when he ended up on the couch belly-down and snoring, but he does remember calling Mickey every name in the book in his head while he tried to silence his hiccups from crying  _again._  He doesn't want to go to the wedding, but then again he does. Of course he would, right? Once again putting in effort where Mickey does nothing but shoot him down. Ian can't be mad though, he knows Mickey loves him.

And dammit, Ian loves him too.

"Jesus, Ian." Fiona hissed out. Ian popped his head up, a lone bottle rolling to the floor empty.

"How long have you down here? You look a mess," Fiona adds.

"I…er- I don't know," Ian gargled, his head is still fuzzy but he can tell that his hangover isn't major.

"Go upstairs and sleep it off." Fiona instructed and Ian didn't waste time bumbling up the stairs.

@>-;-

"I think it's sweet." Mandy comments about the wedding while trying to tape up papier-mâché hearts.

Ian and Mandy were setting up last minute decorations before the wedding in an hour. Ian fought against even being in the vicinity of the community center but like a proper masochist, he showed up. Mandy, still oblivious as ever, simply answers all his questions about Svetlana. Ian feels himself becoming more irritable, the streamers are sloppy, but so is this whole situation so Ian dementedly chuckles at his decoration sabotage but it ends once he realizes he's fucked.

He is going to lose Mickey.

The finished setup is as tacky as expected. Ian even had to add the "L" in Svetlana's name because someone left it out on the cheesy-ass banner. Some of the whore's bridesmaids are making their way in, all of them probably met at "work". Ian audibly gasps when he sees Mickey behind them carrying a garment bag, looking like he could stand to be anywhere else but here.

Ian needs to get him- alone.

**-Mickey's POV-**

_"…I'm fucked for life anyways, man."_

Mickey has been stalling in the kitchen area of the community center chain smoking for the better part of the day. He came in with the skank's bridal party brigade and later jammed himself in this too-big suit, annoyed by how the bowtie is persistently choking him. He doesn't want to do this but he must, his father  _says_ he must and he has to protect Gallagher from him.  _Why can't this be easier_? He visibly shudders at the gnawing thought of having to get hitched to Svetlana, but it shouldn't make a difference to Gallagher, they'll go back to where they were, 'sort-of-together'; they have to, right? Because it isn't like Mickey loves  _her_ ; Gallagher, however…

_"We have nothing to be ashamed of."_

Mickey wishes he didn't have to hurt him those weeks back, he hated it but he had to get Gallagher to  _want_  to hate him, to stay away from him. The flaws in Mickey makes him violent and selfish because he was really happy to see Gallagher on the roof wanting to fix things but he can't help but treating him like shit, its they only way Mickey knows how to handle his feelings, especially the ones he only feels with Gallagher.

_"You love me, and you're gay."_

He's on cigarette number five when someone bounds into the room; Mickey wants to tell whoever it is to 'fuck off' but stops when  _he's_ standing there.

Ian. Fucking. Gallagher.

This is what is supposed to happen. Gallagher comes, they talk, tell everyone to fuck off and they ride into the damn sunset. Well, Mickey's sure that's what Gallagher thinks is going to happen but life doesn't work that way- especially not for him and his shitty life.

"So you're doing this?" Ian says with a throaty voice, no doubt holding tears back.

Mickey needs to distant himself from him, "No shit, I don't have a choice."

Gallagher scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Don't bullshit me, please, don't bullshit. Why are you doing this to yourself, you're gonna let that bastard you call "dad" make you fuck your life up? Hmm?"

He had the nerve to mention his dad, like Mickey doesn't know Terry's a piece of shit. Mickey lets out a humorless laugh and Ian walks up on him.  _Too close_.

"One, back the hell up; two, you don't know shit about my family." Mickey knows he is not affective in his bravado anymore but it's all he has left.

"Oh yeah? I don't know shit but you're marrying your rapist." Gallagher points out, flatly.

Rapist. Mickey knows he was raped in textbook terms, but  _he_ can't be raped. He refuses to be a victim, he isn't a victim. Though, he can't be sure who he is trying to convince.

"What the fuck ever; you know I can't just…I can't give you what you want." Mickey is trying to get his feelings out, he just  _can't,_ Gallagher knows this, but why can't he accept it?

"Yes you can…" Gallagher chokes out, Mickey sees his heartbroken face and almost breaks, but he can't do that, "…Mickey I love- um." Gallagher becomes flustered with his wording and stops talking.

The two entertain another stare down.

"Just…no." Mickey says, turning his back to him. He can't walk away like he did on the roof so he walks a few paces up. Mickey hears Gallagher's footsteps coming behind him but was shocked when he was spun around.

Gallagher grips Mickey's face in both his hands and stares him in the eyes and says, "Fuck you if you do this," and kisses him furiously.

Mickey didn't reciprocate on the roof when Gallagher kissed him spontaneously the first time but he can't deny him again right now, Mickey  _hates_  to admit that he needs him, he  _can't_ admit that he needs him, that this redheaded fucker makes him  _happy-_ because Mickey knows that he doesn't deserve to have or feel these things, so he'll take advantage now.

Mickey slipped his tongue in Gallagher's mouth, kissing him back with great fervor and didn't give a damn when he whimpered at Gallagher's roughness when he broke apart and kissed and nipped at his neck. Mickey wants to tell him he's sorry for being a shit, for not being able to share his feelings and for not being able to say 'goodbye' to him properly, but the only way he can is to let Gallagher fuck him real good.

It'll just have to do.

They both become lost in their making out, they both grab at each other's clothes, incoherently whispering to 'hurry up' and 'come on' during their clumsy dance. Mickey insides warm at how much Gallagher has really grown, he hasn't had the chance to appreciate it with the shit-storm going on around him; he's taller (if that was possible), broader,  _stronger_  and Mickey can feel the definition of Gallagher's body through his clothes. They are starting to pant and Mickey isn't embarrassed about his hard-on pressing into the taller boy. Mickey begins to feel odd when Gallagher slows their kissing and languidly meets his mouth in repetition, using each break away to look Mickey in the eyes. Mickey doesn't understand this, does someone call this  _intimacy_? Is this one of those moments?

Mickey didn't care, he was enjoying the bubble they made around each other but the two where smacked back to reality, though, when the door to the kitchen area flies open.

"Hey Mickey, everyone is- WHAT THE FUCK!?"

The two boys broke apart from their kiss with a loud peck and turns to the door breathing in heavy gulps. Mickey almost fell to the ground when he sees who it is.

Mandy.

-;-<@@> -;-

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable themes and characters belong to their rightful owners.


	7. Streamers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there!
> 
> -LV

**_Ian needs a cleanse, a purge and a good talk._ **

-;- <@@>-;-

**_Previously from Chapter 5_ **

_The two boys broke apart from their kiss with a loud peck and turns to the door breathing in heavy gulps. Mickey almost fell to the ground when he sees who it is._

_Mandy._

-;-<@@> -;-

**Ian's POV**

Mandy just stood there, slack jawed and her eyes were welling up with tears. Ian only seen Mandy cry once because of Terry but he never would have thought he would make her cry next. The tension in the air multiplied in seconds, though the three stood there locked in their spots, silent, each taking turns looking each other in the eye.

What exactly comes next?

Ian released a held breath and looked to Mickey whose lips were still dark pink from kissing too long. He also sees the flush on his neck, creeping up from embarrassment.

"Mandy, hold on-" Mickey spoke, standing completely still as if trying to calm a spooked animal.

"No! I should have known- fucking…all this  _time_! You both are fucking liars!" Mandy sputtered out, she was barely making sense. She was livid.

Ian wanted to speak but he felt this was more of a "Mandy vs. Mickey" ordeal. Granted, she knows now that they have something going on and Ian has to explain that but Mandy _knows_  Ian's gay, she just found out about Mickey…in the worst way possible.

"Mandy let me explain, please, after the wedding…" Mickey finally walks over to a distressed Mandy with his hands up, trying to calm her down.

"No!" Mandy jumps back, "This here, oh my god, in my face this whole fucking time." Mandy just whispers the last part, shaking her head with her hands tangled in her bangs.

Ian just looks at the two until he registers what Mickey just said:

_"…after the wedding…"_

Ian's heart dropped and he finally piped up, " _After_ the wedding? You mean after we tell everyone the shit's off?!"

Mickey didn't speak, didn't even turn around but Ian knows he heard him.

"I can't…" Mandy chokes out. She turns and leaves out the side door of the kitchen area leading to the outside, wiggling her arm free of Mickey's grasp when he tried to stop her.

Mickey looked oddly neutral, like he knew this had to happen but the constant furrowing of his brow is obviously due to the fact that he hurt his sister.

Ian watched the door close, almost cowering at the resounding noise it made from its heaviness. He shifted his eyes to Mickey who was already looking at him with a blank expression.

"Now what?" Ian asked. Mickey rolled his eyes.

"We'll figure it out after." Mickey started towards to the door that leads to the ceremony set up but stops and turns around when he notices Ian not following, "What? Come on."

"After-the-fucking- _what_ , Mickey!? You still gonna do this?" Ian spits out, hands fisting at his sides.

"Yeah man so what? Gallagher, it ain't shit; let me knock this out and we can look for Mandy." Mickey suggests. This elicits a 'what the fuck' face from Ian.

"What about just then, earlier, before Mandy came in?" Ian asks walking up to Mickey, this time Mickey takes two steps back.

"Yeah, that doesn't have to stop because I'm married; I know you shouldn't have a problem with that." Mickey says flirtatiously, but it was forced.

Ian's face goes blank. He automatically gathers that Mickey is talking about when he used to sleep with Kash and Ned.  _Is Mickey seriously relating us to what I had with them?_

"It isn't the fucking same." Ian growls. Mickeys face drops from a smirk to a tight lipped expression when he hears Ian's tone.

"Yeah? How so?" Mickey unenthusiastically inquires.

"Well, for one, they don't mean shit, we do…I…care about you." Ian answers, he wasn't brave enough to look Mickey in his eyes when he said this but he heard Mickey let out a sharp exhale.

"Um…" Mickey didn't make out any words, just weird noises as if they were censoring his true thoughts.

Ian looked up then and Mickey's face looked thoughtful but still no words came. This angers Ian.

"Are you gonna say something, anything?" Ian looked around and gestured to the open air, giving Mickey the 'floor'.

Mickey shifted his weight on his other foot and looked down, "The shit starts in ten minutes."

Ian's body temperature went cold, it's like they did a complete one eighty in under a few minutes. He thought Mickey was going to  _try_ a real relationship and call off the wedding, at least Ian figured that when he kissed him back.

Obviously he was wrong.

"You know what? Fucking,  _congratulations._ " Ian seethed; he turned on his heel and went toward the side door Mandy went out of.

"Gallagher, come on…" Mickey pleaded from behind Ian, but Ian was angry and tired.

Ian kept through the door and walked out, meeting the dusk sky and marching forward.

He can't believe Mickey is going through with it. Ian almost feels wrong for being upset, they weren't exactly boyfriends but he knows they were something stronger than fuck buddies, that term makes Ian want to cringe, is that how Mickey saw them?  _No._ He knows the feelings they have for one another but why does it have to play out like this? Now Mandy is in the middle.

Ian's best friend; he needs to talk to her.

@>-;-

Ian knows it would be too easy for Mandy to be at her house so he doesn't go there. He doesn't go home either because she doesn't know Lip knows about him and Mickey and she wouldn't be able to explain why she's upset. Ian rolls his eyes at how much of a cluster-fuck his life has become.

Turning onto a new block, Ian speed walks when he sees Mandy's aunt's house come into view. She must be here. He jogs up the back steps and knocks on the screen door.

"Hold on, dammit!" a woman with a raspy voice yells out before footsteps sounds toward the door. Mandy's aunt appears with a floral head scarf on and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, she cracks the screen door open and stares at Ian's cotton covered chest, "Yeah, what you selling this time?" she croaks.

Ian raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, "What? No, I'm looking for Mandy, is she here?"

Mandy's aunt nods her head and hacks out a wet cough, "Yeah wait, MANDY GIRL!"

Ian's eyes widen at the woman.

"What!?" Mandy yells back, somewhere inside.

Ian perks up when he hears her voice; hopefully he gets the chance to explain things to her.

"There's an uh…" her aunt looks him up and down, "…a tall boy is out here looking for you."

Ian hears Mandy coming and stands a little straighter.

"Yeah?" Mandy says coming to the door, her face hardens when she looks up at Ian, this makes him a little uneasy but he doesn't cower.

"Hey, can we talk?" Ian softly asks.

Mandy looks at Ian for another beat and huffs out a breath, she looks back to her aunt who just smiles and gives Ian another "seductive" look over and leaves the door. She silently nods a 'yes' and walks out past Ian and sits on the top step, Ian followed suit.

"So how long, Ian?" Mandy asks.

Ian clears his throat and rubs his hand on his thighs. He looks to Mandy and grabs her hand. She automatically smiles then so does Ian. It was almost like the time they were on the swings after he first told her he was gay.

"Been a few years, not steady but, you know," Ian responds. Mandy gives him a sad look.

"Is that why you agreed to be my fake boyfriend after I told my brothers to back off? Did you guys already hook up?" Mandy asks. Her eyes only meet Ian's for a split second.

"No not at all, we were faking for a while before me and Mickey first um…er- that whole gun thing Kash was around the time we um...I'm sorry, this is weird. I swear though, I didn't use you to get close to him, it just happened." Ian explained, trying to coax Mandy to make full eye contact, she does.

"So what is the wedding for? That's a little extreme for a cover up if he wants to stay low," Mandy stands, and nods toward the sidewalk; Ian gets up and they both start walking down the street.

Ian doesn't want to talk about the rape incident; he doesn't Mandy to have that on her mind so he dances over it, but still decides to take a dig at Terry.

"Your dad caught us; this is kind of arranged, the marriage." Ian offers, Mandy face blanches when she hears 'dad'.

"Oh, but you guys can sneak, right? Mandy perks up, her voice still sounds sad but she doesn't want it show, Ian assumes.

"You're cool about Mickey, though? Also I'm sorry for not telling you, for this long…I'm rambling." Ian and Mandy both laugh at his word purge.

"I'm pissed he didn't tell me he was gay, but I understand why, Mickey can't be gay in this neighborhood, neither can you so I get why you didn't say anything and shit." Mandy says, bumping her shoulder against Ian's.

"Cool."

"Yeah, so are you seeing Mickey after the wedding?" Mandy asks.

Ian tried to keep his face neutral but he couldn't, he thought he was pissed at Mickey for going through with it, but he's actually hurt.

"Um, no, we aren't doing…whatever what we were doing anymore."

Mandy sighs and looks to Ian concerned, "You want me to talk to him?"

"No, I'll deal with my own mess."

"I want you to be happy."

Ian smiles down at Mandy, "Sure."

-;-<@@>-;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable themes and characters belongs to their rightful owners.


	8. Head First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow! This is the last of the mass upload! *cheers* 
> 
> Well, this may seem anti-climatic but this fic is coming to a close soon and IDEK when the next chapter will be out, school's being a mother@#%$!$. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed so far! Drop a line!
> 
> -LV

**_"Ian knows there are words that can warm the numb"_ **

-;-<@@> -;-

Ian didn't handle his own mess like he told Mandy he would. He kept to himself in bed, not eating with the Gallagher brood but waiting until everyone was asleep so he can sneak leftovers. His behavior isn't lost on Fiona and Lip, they try to get him out, up and talking but Ian is a steel trap now, locked up, with one certain someone holding the key.

@>-;-

It's Saturday and Ian is festering in bed for the seventh day straight when Lip walks in yawning a little too loudly and plopping down Ian's legs.

"What the fuck, Lip?" Ian groaned.

"Dude, do we need to put you on suicide watch? This is turning into bullshit." Lip responded, rising off of Ian.

"What do you know? Just leave me alone."

"Ian, you're my little, big brother; I don't like seeing you torn up over somebody like Mickey. He did it, he got married  _a week ago_ , when are you going to get over it and him? Huh?" Lip looked Ian right in the eyes as he spoke. Ian knows he's right, he shouldn't mope, but it hurts  _so_  much.

"I'll get up...eventually."

"Eventually, Ian?" Lip raises a brow.

"Yes, today I will get up."

"Today?" Lip says in a teasing voice, Ian couldn't help but chuckle at his older brother's antics.

Ian sits up in bed and throws the comforter off of him, "I'm up, I'm up."

Lip just smirks in his success and walks with Ian downstairs to eat breakfast.

"Well hey, Ian. Nice to see you up and at 'em," says Fiona as she flips the last pancake on a plate for Carl. Ian knows Fiona is trying to compensate for her being in the dark about Ian's personal life by not treating him like a mental case. He appreciates it but he hates himself for making her worry.

"Yeah, I'm better," Ian responded, the quick look between Lip and Fiona wasn't gone unnoticed by him.

@>-;-

Ian turns on his phone for the first time in his seven-day funk and sees a lot of encouraging messages from Mandy and a few from Casper asking 'what he was up to'. He will reply to Mandy soon but he is thinking about what to do with Casper. Ian feels used by Mickey in a way and he doesn't want Casper to feel that either because Ian's pretty sure the rich kid wants a relationship but he only wants to fuck.

Ian continues to let his mind race in the shower and naturally he thinks about Mickey; he chuckles because the last time he allowed himself to think about Mickey in here, after he beat him up, go figure, he jerked off to thoughts about him. He wants,  _needs_  a romantic relationship with Mickey but all he gets is guilty jerk-off sessions but he can't deny his body its needs.

He begins to stroke himself, slowly speeding up with the pace of Mickey's mouth taking him in but he loses his erection quickly when his imaginary Mickey had his wedding ring.

"Shit," Ian whispered.

Ian almost jumped and busted his ass in the shower when he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Ian, hey man, get out the shower and come outside," Lip's muffled voice sounded through the shower. Lip's footsteps walk away from the door and Ian sighs aloud.

He knows it Mandy. She's probably pissed he had his phone off for so long. He dries himself and throws on sweatpants and a grey long sleeve thermal and heads out through the kitchen door, barefoot and all. He steps outside and sees Lip standing in front of the steps smoking, they meet eyes and Lip nods his head to the side of the house where Ian can't see. He raises a brow and heads in that direction, Lip going back into the house.

Ian gets a little nervous about why Mandy was being secretive like this;  _did Fiona ban her from the house? Are her and Lip on a break? Did something happen to…him?_  He rounds the corner and audibly gasps, he was wrong. It wasn't Mandy standing there, it was Mickey.

Mickey looked like he aged a year since the wedding. His hair was a little longer, more to grab, and his facial hair is a little thicker. Ian thinks he looks damn sexy but he can't dwell on that now. Mickey actually  _came_  to him. He also looks expectant, like he prepared something to say.

"Hey, Gallagher," Mickey said, finally. His voice is small but on the surface you wouldn't guess he was that nervous.

Ian spoke, guarding his voice, "Hi."

They stared at each for another minute and the wind picked up, Ian's feet are freezing. He looks up at the grey clouds and it eerily reminded him when he was on the ground after Mickey had hit him. Mickey cleared his throat, regaining Ian's attention.

"So, I'm a shit," Mickey offered. This is him apologizing; Ian wants more, he almost says more but remains silent to let Mickey find his words, "You don't have to fuck with me if you don't want to anymore." He then kicks at a rock that was in front of him, making sure not to make eye contact with Ian.

Ian is a little stunned but then a little angry; Mickey placed the ball in his court again, Ian has to make the decision as to whether they continue with  _whatever_ this is. He is tired of making the decisions, Mickey is once again copping out on having to fight for what they have.

Ian shifts on his cold feet, "Forget about what I want. You tell me if  _you_  want to keep fucking around."

Mickey had the nerve to slightly wince when Ian said "fucking around."

Mickey speaks on it, "Why do you have to say it like that?"

Ian snort humorlessly, "Is that not what you just said; actually no,  _isn't_ this what this is? Fucking around?"

"You know that isn't what I fucking mean," Mickey gripes, shaking his head.

"So what do you mean?"

"You know-  _shit_! You know what I'm trying to say, don't make it hard," Mickey is becoming flustered, his face is turning red and Ian can't decipher if it is from anger or embarrassment.

Ian swears under his breath and walks up into Mickey's face, unmoving, "You know what? I do know what you mean but you're going to fucking say it."

Mickey eyebrows raises almost comically at Ian, "I um…"

"Fucking say it, Mickey, what do you want? Or I'm walking away." Ian stares down at him, making Mickey squirm a little from the intense gaze.

They stare at each other and Mickey breaks first, looking down and rubbing his top lip. Ian feels a lump forming in the back of his throat. Mickey won't say it. Ian's eyes water and he has to turn away.  _Fuck him_ , Ian starts to walk and he hears Mickey exhale heavily behind him, Ian ignores it and starts to round to the back of the house.

"Gallagher…" Mickey weakly says, Ian wants to stop but he keeps walking.

" _Ian_!" Mickey shouts this time.

Ian freezes at the sound of Mickey saying his given name; it's been so long since he did.

"Ian." Mickey chokes one more time. Ian is undone and goes on autopilot when he turns on his numbing heel and walk back around the house to where Mickey still stood in the same spot, eyes glazed over with tears.

Ian walks up to Mickey again and forces him to make eye contact, "What?"

Mickey exhales another shaky breath and looks at Ian once more, this time with a resolve fixed on his face that Ian has never seen before.

"I want you to accept the fact that I'm going to be married for a while; I want you to know that it doesn't mean shit," Mickey starts, Ian keeps quiet, his mouth slightly hanging open in awe.

Mickey continues, "I want to…see you still, I wanna fucking  _have_  something with you because um…" Ian's heart begins to pick up speed.

"…because I love you," Mickey finishes. He looks away from Ian now and takes two steps back.

Ian blinks three times in a row, digesting what just happened.

_Mickey says he loves me._

_He said it._

_Love._

Mickey makes eye contact once more, looking expectant. Ian has to act now.

"Come here," Ian says although he walks up to Mickey, he grabs his bearded face and tilts it up and kisses him softly. They don't move, just a touch of lips and Ian feels Mickey's hands come up and caress the back of his neck the cold metal of his wedding band making Ian shiver. They break apart from the kiss and slowly open their eyes, breathing.

Ian whispers, "I love you, too."

-;-<@@> -;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Any recognizable themes or characters belong to their rightful owners.


	9. Training Wheels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is the second to last full one, then the end comes! Thank you for reading. Tell me what ya think! xo
> 
> -LV

 

**_Ian can finally breathe, it feels good._ **

-;---<@@>\---;-

 

It has been two days since Ian and Mickey confessed their love for each other, although, it wasn’t so much confessing as it was confirming. They kissed once, twice more after and Mickey was silent but blushing when he turned to leave, Ian needed to go inside before the cold air claimed his feet for good.

 

He’s been in the clouds since they separated in his backyard, the “perkier” Ian was noticed by Lip who conveniently wanted to take Mandy on an overnight adventure somewhere, keeping her away from Milkovich manor for the night. Ian didn’t think much of this since they are always off and on, because of that “cancer” Karen, but he figured out what he was up to when Mandy texted him that evening when Lip and her left.

 

**Dad and my other brothers are gone too. Mickey stayed. :-***

Ian looked up to the ceiling in his bedroom and a smile slowly stretched across his face. Lip and Mandy were giving him and Mickey alone time.

 

@>\---;-

 

Ian felt silly actually picking out what he wanted to wear, granted it was mainly flannel in his wardrobe, but he still debated. He decided on a plain black T shirt and dark wash jeans and he may or may not have been pleased on how they made his ass look. After puffing out a breath he slung his bag over his shoulder and went downstairs and almost bumped into a frazzled Fiona who was also making her way down.

 

“Whoa Ian, careful! Where you headed?” she asked while balancing Debbie’s load of clothes.

 

Ian grabbed them and walked to the washer with Fiona on his tail, “Just out for a little, I might spend the night.” Ian smirked at the last part. Ian can almost feel Fiona’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.

 

“Oh? You and Lip are both gonna be out on a school night?” Fiona asks, scooting Ian out of the way so she can access the washer.

 

Ian shrugs, “I won’t be far and I’ll be back early enough to change for school.”

 

Fiona sighs but the sound is muffled by the spin cycle, “Alright, I guess you’re settled with it, be safe.”

 

Ian smiles and turns to the kitchen to walk out when Fiona calls his name.

 

“Yeah?” Ian asks, halfway out the door.

 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, I said it before but you know, I just don’t like you like _that,_ all depressed.” Fiona’s smile is a little watery and Ian jogs quickly back to her and pecks her cheek, shoots an “I love you” and heads out the door, leaving Fiona with a more happy smile.

 

@>\---;-

 

Ian zips his coat a little higher on his walk to the Milkovich home and he got some pep-in-his-step once he rounded the corner to Mickey’s block.

 

Ian admits he was a little off-put when he climbed the steps to the house; the last time he was in there…Mickey met his wife. He needed to put that _incident_ out of his head before it killed his mood. He began to knock on the door and stopped to hear a response- nothing. He knocked harder and heard Mickey in the distance yelling, “hold the fuck up.” Ian smirked at how Mickey’s manners will probably get worse with age.  

 

The door swung open while Mickey spoke with laughter in his voice, “You left your key again Mandy or-” he locked eyes with Ian and blinked twice, his eyebrows comically rising.

 

Ian, being the dork he is, just waved with the hand that wasn’t holding his overnight bag.

 

“Hey, Mick.”

 

“Hey.” Mickey looked down to Ian’s bag and back to him.

 

Ian licked his lips and looked past Mickey into his house, “So…can I stay the night?”

 

“Yeah, I guess”

 

Mickey pulled the door open further to let Ian in and poked his head out the door, evidently checking to see if someone is being nosey, even though no one in their neighborhood really gives a fuck about anything. Ian walked in and tried not to look at the sofa to keep the memories down but it’s literally right there in your face.

 

He had to ask, “Where’s the Missus?” Ian heard a faint scoff behind him when the door closed shut.

 

“Out workin’, I don’t know about you but _I_ know that bitch is doing way more than handjobs,” Mickey chuckled.

 

“So how is it, being married?” Ian asked. Mickey raised one brow and nodded his head to his room; Ian grabbed his bag and went in there, dropping it when he takes in the remodeled sight.

“This is how it is; it’s pretty much her room now. Got a nicer bed and I don’t even want to fucking sleep in it when she’s here,” Mickey explains.

 

Ian sees the feminine touch the room has that it didn’t have before. It smells like cigarettes still but the lingering fragrance of some fruity body spray girls’ rooms always have is in the air. Mickey’s posters are minimal and some of Svetlana’s “work clothes” are hanging out the hamper.

 

Ian continues his 360° room survey and stops when he sees Mickey leaning against the dresser by the bedroom door. He takes in Mickey’s thoughtful face; he wonders how long Mickey’s been looking at him case the room. They both slowly smile at each other and Mickey really looks _beautiful_ to Ian. Maybe it’s because of the small lamp that dimly lights the otherwise dark room or the multicolored string lights that seem to bounce off their pale skin perfectly but Ian can feel his heartbeat race and the way Mickey tentatively walks over to him shows his nervousness too.

 

Ian needs to break the silence before he explodes.

 

“So does she cook and all that? Or-”

 

“-We gonna keep talking about her or are you gonna do somethin’?” Mickey seamlessly interrupts, his eyes raking over Ian’s body.

 

Ian responds with a low ‘no’ and tilts his face down to kiss Mickey. They slowly peck each other’s lips, testing, and Mickey introduces his tongue in Ian’s mouth, opening his more to let in Ian’s. They devour each other like this for what seems like an eternity before Ian feels his erection straining against his zipper. He presses his body against Mickey and he takes the hint, putting more force into their kissing and gripping Ian’s strong arms.

 

Ian feels himself being walked back to the bed and when Mickey goes away from his mouth to kiss and lick at his neck Ian lets out a loud sigh and drops to his back on the bed’s comforter, eyes on Mickey when he pulls him so they are lying on their sides facing each other. They stop moving and Ian shakily places a finger on Mickey’s temple tracing a curved line to his mouth.

 

“I-uh, I love you.” Ian says in the smallest voice he can manage. He doesn’t expect Mickey to reply back, saying it that one time spoke volumes. Ian also didn’t expect for Mickey’s bottom lip to oddly quiver before he gained control of his face again.

 

Mickey just nodded before sitting up and taking off his shirt then looking back at Ian. Ian didn’t need another hint so he sat up as well and yanked his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor, grabbing the back of Mickey’s neck and kissing him again, this time more wild and needy. Ian feels the vibe in the room change around them when he breaks apart and stands, pushing Mickey onto his back. Ian takes off his jeans and pulls his boxers down with them, letting his hard-on jut out proudly.

 

Mickey scoots back up and keeps his eyes trained on Ian when he takes his dick and strokes it once, twice and licks his lips, lowering his mouth onto it, taking Ian as far down as he can before he comes back up with a ‘pop’ Ian moaning all the while.

 

“Jesus Christ, Mickey.” Ian shakily says, he throws his head back when Mickey grabs at his ass and goes back down slurping in rhythmic repetition, taking a break to lick the underside of Ian’s cock and taking his balls into his mouth one at a time keeping a hand pumping up and down.

 

Ian pulls his body back, “Come on.”

 

Mickey lays back down and lift his hips to allow Ian to take off his jeans and underwear. Mickey’s erection lay on his belly, pre-cum pooling on his skin. Ian climbs on top of him to lick it up and to place kisses leading up to Mickey’s neck. Mickey grabs at the little hair Ian has and detaches his mouth from his neck to look at him in the face.

 

“I thought you said come on, firecrotch?” Mickey smirked and Ian chuckles at him before flipping him over and kissing down the curve of Mickey’s back, enjoying hearing the little growls that come from him we he finally reaches his ass; Ian is positioned oddly on the bed but continues on when Mickey gets up on all fours. Mickey gasps quite loudly when Ian starts to lick around his hole darting his tongue in and out.

 

“Is that good?”

 

“Yeah, _fuck_ , shut up and keep going.”

 

Ian swirls a finger around and smirks when Mickey pushes his ass back on it. Ian obliges and introduces it in Mickey hissing and asking for more.

 

“Stop being impatient,” Ian whispers when he adds another finger, scissoring them inside Mickey to loosen him up. Mickey went from his “masculine” groans to mewling when Ian crooks his finger to hit his prostate.

 

Ian stands and pulls Mickey by his hips to bring him to the edge of the bed. Mickey lowers himself down more so his ass is further up into the air, spreading his legs wider. Ian stroked himself a few times and spit a good amount on Mickey’s hole and lined up against him.

 

“You really need to fuck me now.” Mickey muffled into the comforter.

 

“Mmhhmm,” Ian offered in response.

 

Ian slowly pushed in inch by inch, clenching down on his teeth to restrain himself from fucking Mickey senseless right then. Mickey got back onto his hands and pushed back to meet Ian’s slow thrust, not caring about the noises escaping him when Ian begins to rock back and forth, pulling out and swiftly pushing back in. Ian is gripping Mickey’s hips hard when he speeds up their lovemaking, grunts and slapping skin reverberating throughout the small room.

 

Ian rubs a hand tenderly down Mickey’s back to counter the force of his thrusts, Mickey looks back at him and they look at each for a beat before Mickey turns away and groans when he starts to jerk himself off. Ian can feel Mickey clenching around him and begins to fuck him faster, swatting Mickey’s hand out of the way to jerk him instead in time with his thrusts.

 

“Fuck, shit I’m coming,” Mickey grits out.

 

Ian keeps his pace and pumps Mickey harder when he feels him swell. Mickey stills and scrunches his brows when he finally comes, spilling onto his bed and Ian’s fingers. Ian places his has hand back on Mickey’s hip and not too later came inside Mickey. Ian spirals in the feeling, not a bit embarrassed when he repeats Mickey’s name over and over.

 

@>\---;-

 

Ian snuggles his back against Mickey’s chest in his partially sleep state. The blaring red numbers on the alarm clock says it is about 3:30 in the morning. Ian smiles when he can feel Mickey’s hand lightly caress his stomach. Ian gathers that Mickey think he is still asleep. Ian almost turns over to show Mickey he’s up but thinks against it when he feel Mickey’s hand move from his stomach to rub up his side.

 

Ian shuts his eyes when feels Mickey’s nose press against the back of his neck, his eyelashes brushing against his nape. Ian hears a deep breath from Mickey and bites his lip to keep from getting emotional when he hears Mickey whisper:

 

“I love you so much.”

 

-;---<@@>\---;-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable themes and characters belong to their rightful owners.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable themes and characters belong to their rightful owners.


End file.
